A Letter to My Business on Our Relationship Status
Dear Business,
You and I were destined to end up together. Entrepreneurship runs in my blood on both sides of my family. So sometimes it feels a bit like a prearranged marriage. When our eyes finally locked across the proverbial dance floor, I knew you would be right for me in some form or another. Yet, I was hesitant. For years, we just dated, and I was scared to make a commitment. I dabbled with you here and there, always wondering if I was good enough for you to take our relationship further. Well, the day job I was cheating on you with kicked me out in the form of a layoff and plopped me on your doorstep. Forced me to really start facing my fears and allow myself to fall in love with you. And fall I did. Hard. But like anyone who spends a great deal of time together, sometimes you stress me out. Sometimes I get frustrated and overwhelmed. Wonder if I can handle you. I finally got the confidence to commit to you wholeheartedly, and now here I am finding out that the honeymoon is coming to a close and real life is settling in. I'm getting more comfortable, yes, and that feels great. But sometimes I feel like I want some space, some room to breathe. I can't stop thinking about you all the time, can't stop trying to think of ways to nurture you, and sometimes I just want to watch TV by myself without you curling up on the couch with me and taking up my head space. Every day, I am trying to learn new ways of juggling the demands of our relationship with the other parts of my life. I always thought that once I finally settled into you, I'd feel nothing but exhilaration, like I was finally home, like I was finally fulfilling my professional calling. And I DO feel those things! I SO do. But I was also a little shell-shocked at how hard this relationship would be. I forgot about things like setting aside taxes and making budgets. I was so excited that I just didn't think about how much energy and time this relationship would consume. How sometimes I would still question myself and my ability to contribute. During these times, I want to make sure I find ways of reconnecting with you, of reigniting our passion. Let's not get so caught up in joint checking accounts and bills that we lose sight of why we are here. A mantra I keep going back to lately for many areas of my life is: "It's not about how I feel in the moment. It's how I feel overall." So, dear business, there are going to be moments when I need a day off from us…moments when you make me want to scream…moments when I swear I can't do this anymore and have to break up with you (but you know I don't really mean it). So, during those moments, please remember that I still love you. I still want you. We are still destined for each other. And, like any good relationship, we require work. Forgive my impatience and resentment if they come. For I am here because I choose to be here. I am here because, together, we can make a difference to people, doing things that only we can do, in a way that only we can do it. And off we go. XOXO, jen
